Now that we've applied these structures to sentences, let's now apply them to paragraphs. Look for the structures that are sophisticated: fanboys, transitions or adverb clauses and change them to the sophisticated structures: move a transition, reducing two sentences, reducing adverb clauses and adverb phrases/other phrases.
Of those more sophisticated structures, the most difficult to do is adverb phrases/other phrases. Try doing that one first. I will post this practice and if you try to do it, I will be happy to help.
Example 1: In the United States, the average age of entering prostitution is 15. How do these girls become prostitutes? Pimps look for girls that are vulnerable so they trap them into prostitution. The pimps don’t directly recruit the girls; they get other prostitutes do look for vulnerable girls. In Colorado, one teenage prostitute scoped out a local shopping mall. A study of nine countries showed that 89% of people in prostitution do want to escape. As a result, many girls or women who are enslaved in prostitution eventually come to accept their circumstances as fate. They resign themselves to selling sex because they perceive themselves to have no other options. A study of prostitutes in nine countries showed that 70 to 95% had been physically assaulted; 68% suffered post-traumatic stress disorder…New Light is just one group that is doing this type of work. Because they support these organizations, they can work to help combat the vicious and complex cycle of forced prostitution.
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Example 2: China has a very strict educational system like South Korea. In China, we have nine years of compulsory education. This education includes six years of primary school and three years of middle school. The government has a policy that primary school and middle school should be free for children because they want to make sure that every child gets a good education. The policy doesn’t work because every city is separated into several districts and only one school is in the same district with the child’s family. If a family wants to send their child to another school, they will need a large sum of money. For the families which are living in a district which doesn’t have a good school, the parents will pay that money to send their children to a better one in another district so this leads to a financial burden on the family. Therefore, the family will use a lot of its money on the children’s education like families in South Korea.
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Example 3: There are many sad stories out there but James Robertson’s story is one that will inspire you.The fifty-three-year old walked 21 miles to work because there were no bus routes that would go the whole way. He didn’t complain and he didn’t miss one day of work through sleet and snow in over ten years. He walked through the most dangerous district in the nation but he never complained. Blake Pollock, an investment banker, saw Robertson every day on his drive to work. After several days, he became intrigued about this man’s story so he decided to pick him up and give him a ride. Pollock had never picked up anyone before but Robertson was different.It was then that he discovered Robertson’s story. The bus only went part way to his job. He lost his car back in 2004 so he did what he had to do. He walked.
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Example 4: Please finish writing about this chart from the IELTS test and then add structures related to strong contrast. http://www.ielts-exam.net/academic_writing_samples_task_1/794/
This bar chart describes the number of men and women who watch reality shows and who watch game shows for four different age groups in Australia. In the first chart, roughly 35% of men watch reality shows but nearly 70% of women watch reality shows. On the other hand, approximately 60% of men watch games shows and nearly 60% of women watch games shows.or fewer women watch games shows and more men watch game shows. The tables further describe the different age groups.
This is the practice. If you do it, please post it and I'll check it and if you have questions, please let me know.